he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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