Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
they need to just BURY HIM!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
