I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
