I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
