i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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