I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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