Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
