i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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