Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
