Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
