...so i touched it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
