i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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