I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
