youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
