It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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