My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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