the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
