so let's talk penis.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
