Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
