Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
is it fun? or sober?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
