Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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