he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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