I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
