just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want a musical about memes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
