I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
