well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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