He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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