The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
