"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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