we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
