I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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