I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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