I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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