Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I am morally bankrupt
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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