my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
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