It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
