genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
