So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
