talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
