I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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