She's JV to your varsity
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
