life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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