This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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