Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
