i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
