Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
