i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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