I just made out with a guy for $7.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
