Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
