The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
